


Helping Herself

by MollyBee



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: I guess its kinda Tuckson bashing, Single Moms Rollins and Benson forever, Undecided who Olivia will get with at this point but no one for a while, Weve got some Barson tension growing here, like ive nothing against the ship but theyre so underdeveloped im just not on board, lots of Fin because i love him, so they break up here sorry, spoilers for ep 17x23
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:50:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7067677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MollyBee/pseuds/MollyBee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Olivia learns to deal with the world of pain her life throws at her, and she doesn't need a man for that.<br/>(Or: Tuckson drama distracts Olivia long enough for Barba's tormentors to turn their targets on her)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I trust you.” Ed said, and then time just stopped. Olivia’s nice, stable, steady, temporary boyfriend was staring at her son, her son, as he dropped to one knee. “We’ve got a good thing going here, the three of us.”

Olivia’s heart was in her throat, an apology ready on her tongue, a speech readying itself in her mind… And he just tickled Noah. Oh. Relief washed over her as he suggested a holiday. Paris, yes, Paris was just what she needed. She agreed with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, but he accepted it. She sighed.

Things were still tense with Barba, and her squad were looking at her differently now they’d apparently seen her asleep on Ed’s shoulder. At the hospital. When her sergeant, her new friend, someone she didn’t know as well as she could have, should have done. And it was her fault that he was dead, no matter what anyone said. If things had been different… Ed was talking in his ‘soothing’ tone about croissants and the Louvre and something in her just snapped. How could she think about getting away from it all, when it was all her mess to clean up? When she needed to visit Chief Dodds, and try to apologise until it hurt just a little less? When she needed to kick Fin up the ass and make him take the sergeants exam? When she needed to make sure Carisi didn’t work himself to death trying to protect Barba to compensate in some way for his blood not being enough to fix Mike all up? There were so many things that needed her attention, and truthfully, spending some one-on-one time with her son for the first time in weeks was top of that list. Not romantic getaways.

“Ed. Tucker, I don’t think -”

“Tucker? Hey, it’s just us, why are your walls up?” “Tucker, I don’t think Paris is a good idea after all. With Dodds… My squad’s already short, I can’t just swan off.”

Ed’s face was stoic as normal, but she knew him, and she saw the light in his eyes dim just a fraction. He slowed his walking, and she matched his pace. Noah trotted off just up ahead of them. Olivia turned to keep her eye on him.

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. It’s just not the time.”

“It’ll never be time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Can we not wait a few weeks between my friends dying before we jet off?”

“There’s always some excuse with you. You’re not fully committed to us, hell, I doubt it’s even twenty percent.”

“That’s rich, coming from you! Swearing to stay with me and then finding the first chance you could to break away?”

“What are you talking about?”

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They’re standing in the hospital corridor, Olivia shakily explaining the situation. He grips her wrists and offers food, coffee, things like they measure up to the goddamn hug she needs. “Just be here.” She says. “I’m not going anywhere.” He promises, and then Dodds senior rounds the corner and Ed is halfway down the corridor before she has time to blink. Oh.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I was gone five minutes!”

“You would have taken any excuse, and you know it.”

Noah spotted a play park up ahead and ran towards it. Ed grabbed Olivia’s wrist as she sped up to follow her son, halting her.

“He can survive two minutes without you hovering over him.”

“How can you say that to me? I deal with kidnapped children practically every month, I see the worst crimes possible, so you can’t blame me if I want to make sure my son is safe for the little time I get to spend with him.”

“You’re smothering him.”

“Don’t tell me how to raise my son! Go home, Tucker. We’re done here.”

“That’s it?” He asked, his voice loud enough to attract the attention of people walking by. Some teenager on a skateboard pulled out his phone to video them.

“That’s it.”

“Goddammit, Olivia, would you stop blowing hot and cold? We were so happy five minutes ago, what changed?”

“Tucker, I just… I’ll call you tomorrow.”

He left, staring her down for a second before he carried on past the park home. Olivia watched his back, and then went to join her son.

Her son, who, as the world is so often that cruel, was nowhere to be found.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carisi tries his hand at being authoritative. Amanda comforts Liv.

“Noah?” Olivia called, refusing to let panic set in just yet. “Noah?”

No reply. No sign of Noah running back towards her to once again show off the socks Uncle Fin bought him. No worryingly small for his age adopted sons anywhere to be seen.

“Noah?” She called out again, unsure if the word actually left her mouth as her vision swam in front of her. “Have you seen my son?” She asked faceless people as they passed her, showing them the background photo on her phone.

The next few minutes were all a blur to her. Someone placed their hand on her back, encouraging her to take deep breaths. Someone else called the police, with Olivia somehow remembering to tell them that she was police too. At some point, Carisi appeared – wonderful, attentive Carisi – and was instructing dozens of patrol cops around the park.

“We will find him, Lieu, I promise. Just hold on.” And someone did hold her hand, for the hours she sat on a bench, cursing herself for dropping her normal vigilance, cursing Tucker for jinxing it and basically guaranteeing it with fate, cursing whatever low life took her son.

“I’m probably not meant to tell you this, Lieu,” Carisi. Carisi was speaking, his voice distant. “But we know who took him. We’ve been sent a note. Well, a message. And we don’t know who, specifically, but-” Well he was drastically going down in Olivia’s estimations.

“Stop talking. You’re drifting further and further away from helpful.” Rollins said. Oh. It was her holding Liv’s hand. Olivia squeezed it. Amanda returned the gesture.

“Thank you, Carisi.” Olivia said. She waited for him to continue, to tell her some good news, but he just nodded and bowed out.

“Come on, Liv. Let’s get you home. No point in you getting soaked through.” Olivia stood up and looked at the darkening sky. When did it start raining? She was cold, she hadn’t realised.

 

* * *

 

 

“What Carisi was trying to say is that you guys were targeted. Looks like some of those assholes threatening Barba think you’re a better target, and I guess Noah by association. Not that it’s your fault, Liv, I swear. We’re gonna get this sonofabitch.” Amanda said, standing next to Liv who was perched on the edge of her couch, barely blinking.

“I know.” She said, quiet but firm.

“Now, I’ve gotta go, but I don’t want to leave you alone, so I’ll call Tucker for you, okay?”

“No!”

“No, as in I shouldn’t go, or no like I shouldn’t call him?”

“Don’t call him. Not Tucker.”

“Liv, I’m not leaving you alone. Who else should I call?” Amanda asked, pulling on her jacket. Olivia mentally thanked her for not asking why.

“Could you spare Fin?”

“Yeah. Of course, Liv.” Amanda fired off a text to Fin and sat down next to Olivia.

“Go. I’m okay.” Olivia said, monotone. Amanda raised one eyebrow in disbelief.

“No you’re not. And you know how these things work; if I leave you’ll get kidnapped by a bunch of 200 pound guys with machetes or something.”

“I like that you think you could defend me in that situation.” Olivia laughs. Amanda smiles widely.

“Maybe not, but maybe my pitiful defeat could make you laugh.”

“Before I was kidnapped.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Amanda’s tone shifted “I’m so sorry, Liv.”

“Amanda, it’s not your fault. If it’s not mine, then it’s the damn psychopath who had no qualms stealing a child for some twisted vendetta.”

“You’ve reached the ‘acceptance’ stage awful quick there, Liv.”

“Yeah, no, I don’t know. I still feel like Tucker’s gonna turn up with Noah and apologise for scaring me.”

“Why would Tucker do something like that, Liv? He’s good police. You’ve got a keeper there.” Amanda said, smiling reassuringly. It looked fake to Olivia, who sighed.

“I was dumping him when I lost Noah.” She said. Amanda's mouth formed a tiny 'O' for half a second, and then it was gone, her focus on more important matters than Olivia breaking up with the boyfriend she'd only known she'd had for two days.

“No, you didn’t lose Noah." Amanda says, shaking her head, "That kinda talk, placing the blame on yourself, you gotta learn to stop that, Liv. Noah was taken, and when Fin gets here in a couple minutes, I’m gonna go and take Noah right back.”

“Thank you.”

“You are most welcome.”

The doorbell rang out, the sound jolting through Olivia like lightning. Amanda moved towards the door, peering through the hole to check who was behind it. She slowly moved her head back, turning to Olivia as she blinked.

“Well, that’s not Fin.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv isn't as strong as she makes out. Carisi isn't as incompetent as everyone thinks. Fin isn't as absent as the show seems to think he should be.

“Well that’s not Fin.” Amanda said, relaxing her stance.

“Is it a worse or better option?” Olivia asked hesitantly. Please don’t be Tucker please don’t be Tucker please -

“It’s Barba.”

“Oh thank god. Let him in.” Amanda opened the door, clapped Barba on the shoulder as he passed her, and then left, waving a quick goodbye.

“Olivia oh my god I came as soon as I heard, how are you? I’m so sorry.” Barba rushed toward her, setting himself down next to her and slinging an arm around her shoulder. He placed a takeout bag on her lap. She moved it onto the coffee table.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault.” She said, looking at him and noticing the water in his eyes.

“Yes it is. Olivia, if I’d spoken up about the threats earlier, maybe –“ He began, but was cut off by Olivia shoving a handful of fries in his mouth.

“We can’t live in hypotheticals. Noah is gone, but I’ve got the best damn detectives on the case.” Olivia stated. He swallowed his fries in one loud gulp.

“I can’t believe how strong you are.” Barba said, awed at her courage. Olivia promptly burst into tears. Barba enveloped her in a hug. “Hey, hey now. It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. My son is missing.”

“Not for much longer, I promise. He’ll be back puking mac and cheese over your new shoes this time tomorrow, I know it.”

Olivia snorted at the memory of the time Barba had come over for a movie night and her son had done just that. Barba’s face had instantly become ashen, and she feared he’d soon copy Noah. He hadn’t though, and the next time he came over he brought a pair twice as expensive and just too nice for her to refuse.

“Will you stay?” she asked, vulnerable but powerful. Classic Olivia, he thought. He pulled back a bit just to look her in the eyes.

“Liv, just try and get rid of me.”

She smiled. There was a knock at the door before a key jiggled in the lock and the door swung open.

“Just me.” Fin said. He walked clean in and sat down on the other side of Olivia and grabbed a fry from the box on her coffee table. He looked over at Liv and Barba, noting how close they were sat. “Oh, I hope I’m not interrupting anything?”

* * *

 

Fin walked into the station an hour later to confusion from Rollins and an aimless sense of panic from Carisi.

“Thought you were meant to be guardin’ Liv?”

“Barba was there, felt like third-wheeling.” He shrugged.

“Ah, you must’ve been heartbroken.”

“I think I’ll survive. Carisi, what’ve you got?” Fin asked. Amanda picked up the phone and dialled. Carisi stood up sharply, ran a hand through his hair, and began speaking like he was giving a presentation in class.

“Alright, so we know that it’s the same group that hired that guy who was after Barba, ‘cause he’s told us as much. Now, what we don’t know is who the group is, what their demands are –”

“So nothing. We got nothing.” Fin interrupts.

Carisi holds up a finger to correct him, his other hand gripping a wad of paper so tightly his knuckles were white.

“Not quite. We got the make and model of the car Noah was put into, a pretty clear CCTV photo of the woman who took him –“

“Woman?” Fin interrupts again. It threw Carisi off guard, and he dropped a few sheets of paper and dropped to the floor to pick them up.

“Yes. If you’d just let me finish, Fin?” He said, trying to seem in control. Fin smiled faux-apologetically.

“Of course.” Carisi tightens the knot on his tie and begins again.

“So we’ve got this woman’s face pretty visible, and we’ve distributed it and it’ll be on the news later tonight –”

“A woman?” Fin interrupts, again.

“Fin!” Carisi says, appalled, “Women can be kidnappers too!”

“That’s not my point.”

“What is your point? I’d think using a woman would be sorta smart, no one looks twice at a woman with a protesting child, just think the kid’s throwing a tantrum.”

“No. Yeah, but no. Not my point. Thing is, there are less female COs. There just are. It’s a dangerous job, and it’s twice as dangerous for women. So there’s probably… Probably a lot less. So they should be easier to comb through, we’ve certainly got the resources.” Fin said, gesturing to the squad room, practically heaving with people. “You ever think about how messed up it is that we try like five times harder on a case when there’s a cop involved? Like it being a cop’s kid makes that kid more important than any of the other thousands who go missing every year?”

“Probably shouldn’t voice that opinion in front of Liv.” Rollins said, placing the phone back in the receiver and crossing a line through on a sheet on paper. Carisi bolted off, chasing down someone with a potential lead. Or a cannoli, Fin wasn’t sure.

“Of course not. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be trying this hard now, I’m saying we should try this hard always.” He says. Amanda nodded, then picked up the phone once again.

“Carisi, what’s the plan?” Fin yelled down the hallway, then waited for Carisi to come bounding back.

“Street patrols looking for the woman. APB out on the car. TARU tracing her back through cameras to find out where she came from to take Noah. Interns looking through mugshots and similar crimes. I got a guy who’s traced the numbers on the phones used to text Barba back to the stores where they were bought, so there’s a team on that.” Carisi listed, counting off his fingers. He still held up two, and stared at them forgetfully, before he relaxed his hands. Fin nodded appreciatively at him.

“Jesus, Carisi. You’re good at this.”

“Really?” Carisi asked, glowing.

“Yeah. Why aren’t you taking the sergeants exam?”

“Fin! Stop trying to pawn the exam off on someone else! You’re taking it!” Olivia’s voice said, erupting from Amanda’s phone. “Carisi, glad to know you’re on this.”

Carisi beamed for half a second, before Barba’s voice followed, tinny from the speaker.

“Well, that’s a sentence no one ever expected to hear.” He quipped, not there to see Carisi’s face drop.

Olivia thanked them again and hung up.

“So… Barba?” Carisi asked, “Is Liv with Barba now?”


End file.
